And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
