Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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