Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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