do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
