So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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