Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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