From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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