well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
