Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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