R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
