Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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