Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize