I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
