It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
