i permit you to call me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
