Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
