So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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