he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize