I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
