Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize