It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ruined the universe
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
