So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
