We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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