Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
