i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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