"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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