Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
