Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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