Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize