Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
