So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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