So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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