something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
