im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize