Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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