false alarm. still invincible.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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