You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
