I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
