I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
