I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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