dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize