I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
