if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
