Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize