Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you had me at cake vodka
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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