Im at strip club and am horny
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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