You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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