Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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