I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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