I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
