Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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