i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
