so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
