i wish my penis had a tongue
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
