guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
