i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
