im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
