From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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