glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
