just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
