Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize