is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
