Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
