she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
