I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
