i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
