i don't like sucking hair
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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