Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
