Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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