We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
