Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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