How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
