you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she told me i tasted like america
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
