There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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