I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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