I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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