Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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