oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
