Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
