wanna go halves on a baby?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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