we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
