New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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