First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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