Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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