Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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