so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
