and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
