I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize