So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
