I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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