Small penises have feelings too.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
