I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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