Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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