Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
