It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
