The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize