And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
