Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
