My liver just broke up with me...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
