You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
