Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
