when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
