I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
