guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
