just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
