I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize