i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
is it fun? or sober?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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