My Higher Power is John Stamos
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
